Dealing with Death
by Jinxy13112
Summary: Ethan and Cal fic set just after their Mum's death. (Written from promts given by readers - post ideas in reviews for next chapter.)
1. Chapter 1

**Ok so I know I've not finished my last fic but I fancied a change so have decided to write two at once! **

**My plan is to write a chapter and for you guys to give me ideas of what could happen next then I shall pick and write the nest chapter. A story written by everyone if that makes sense? I will be sure to allow everyone's idea to be incorporated at some point so if I don't use your first idea suggest things on the next update. Credit will always be given. J x**

"Your brother is with her." Jenny spoke as she let Ethan into the room he had become so used to after spending hours on end with his dying mother watching her condition deteriorate every day.

Ethan walked in slowly noting how different the room felt even though it looked exactly the same, apart from his elder brother who he hadn't seen in just over 6 months, was sat on the chair that Ethan would usually occupy.

Cal looked up to his brother as he walked in but didn't dare speak as the look on Ethan's face told him was enough to silence even him. He looked angry.

Walking closer to the bed Ethan gently moved the little hair his mother had left from her eyes and sighed a little.

"You made it then." He spoke still looking down at his Mum.

Cal nodded in response. "Just, yeah…"

"Did she know you were here?" He asked still not looking up.

"I think so, she squeezed my hand." Cal told him and Ethan just nodded.

"No more pain now Mum. You're free." Ethan spoke gently.

"You know… she can't hear you." Cal commented trying to lighten the mood which only earned him a glare from Ethan.

"If you're going to make jokes just leave Cal." Ethan warned him.

Cal shook his head and fixed his eyes on his mum.

They both stayed for around 10 minutes before Jenny came in.

"I'm sorry, but we need to move your Mum now." She spoke gently.

"It's fine, I need a coffee now anyway, been on a plane for three hours." Cal got to his feet and went to the door before pausing. "Where can I buy one?" He asked

Jenny smiled kindly. "If you follow the signs for the café you'll get one there." With that Cal left and Jenny made her way over to Ethan standing behind him.

"He's a lot like your Mum, very carefree." She commented.

"He's a lot my Dad. Pig ignorant and self-obsessed. Our Mum has just died and all he wants is coffee." Ethan spoke in a monotone.

Jenny sighed and put her hand on Ethan's back. "She's out of pain now, you have to look at it that way."

Ethan pressed his lips together and nodded turning his head to face her. "Thank you, for looking after her so well. Couldn't have ha anyone better."

"It's been a pleasure." She spoke looking at him noticing his eyes were glazed over. "Come here." She said and pulled him into a gentle hug rubbing his back in soothing circles

Finding comfort in her actions Ethan closed his eyes as he put his arms around her small frame.

They remained like this for a few minutes while Ethan pulled himself together before pulling away. "Thanks…" He smiled sheepishly.

"It's fine. I will get her moved and you can arrange the funeral, if you need anything you have my number." She spoke and Ethan nodded.

He took one last look at his mum and kissed her head before leaving in search of Cal.

Heading to the café Ethan frowned as he spotted Cal stood with a coffee in his hand chatting up a random girl.

Angry Ethan stormed over to them. "Excuse me for interrupting but our dead mother needs her son's to plan her funeral. Will you be assisting with that or would you prefer to chat up some random women?" He spoke before looking at the woman he had been talking to. "Sorry, no offence." He spoke at the woman smiled at him and shook her head at Cal before walking away.

"Oh look what you did." Cal complained watching he walk away his eyes traveling up and down her body.

"Oh I am sorry that this is so inconvenient for you." Ethan spoke sarcastically.

"Just chill ok? There was nothing we could do for her, she's gone now and she would want us to move on." Cal spoke as a matter of fact.

"She has been dead an hour!" Ethan shouted causing everyone to look at them.

"Keep your voice down. God sake." Cal frowned feeling uncomfortable with everyone watching.

Ethan just shook his head before storming off. "Unbelievable." He muttered under his breath.


	2. Chapter 2

It was the day of the funeral and to say the planning was a challenge was an understatement. Cal turning up hung over to the meeting with the coroner was just the icing on the cake.

Ethan woke up and checked the time, 7.00am, two hours till he said his final goodbye to his Mum. He got up, had a shower then headed downstairs to find Cal flat out of the sofa. He'd been staying with Ethan these past few days until he found somewhere although Ethan was hoping he would actually leave Holby after the funeral.

"Cal… Caleb. Come on wake up." Ethan spoke and when Cal didn't respond he sighed and tapped his foot. "Caleb!"

Cal woke up startled. "Ok, ok I'm up. No need to shout." He complained and sat up on the sofa stretching away the aches and pains the come with spending a week and what could only be described as lumpy cushion.

"You need to have a shower and get changed. We need to be at the church in about an hour." He told him.

Cal looked at him already in his best black suit and nodded. "Ok.." He agreed and went for his shower seemingly completely fine despite the day.

After boiling the kettle and making himself a coffee Ethan sat at his breakfast car and stared at his mug watching the steam rise from it. He didn't really know how he felt, didn't even understand how he should feel. He saw death every day in his work but he couldn't get his head around the fact that it was him this time and his Mum that had died. It wasn't sudden of course but that in way didn't make it any better. He watched her suffer, go from loving carefree a perfect mother to someone who could barely even open her eyes.

It was the days when he and Cal were younger he could remember the best. It wasn't perfect, their Dad was a bit hit and miss the majority of the time and he and Cal were always arguing but Ethan knew that his Mum would always be there for him.

He remembered one day, his birthday, coming home from school to a house full of decorations and a cake that she had made herself with a stethoscope made of icing wrapped around the top. She knew that's the sort of things he liked, the little things that make a difference. He wouldn't have like a party or anything but pizza, cake and tv with his Mum was always going to be his idea of an ideal birthday.

Ethan had been so deep in thought that he didn't even noticed that he now had tears dripping down his cheeks till Cal entered.

"Ethan?" He frowned a little seeing his brother in a bit of a daze.

Ethan sniffed and shook his head before wiping his eyes as subtly as he could. "Yeah? What?" he said looking at him trying to convince Cal as much as himself that he was fine.

"Nothing. We best get going though if you want to be on time." He said gesturing at the clock.

"Yeah, yeah I'm coming." He nodded and poured his untouched coffee down the sink and dumping the cup on the side and following Cal out to the car.

…..

The guests arrived and both brother seemed to be getting on ok so far. Cal was actually showing some sensitivity by allowing Ethan to go and sit down while he greeted some of the closer family after seeing his younger brother getting himself upset.

Once everyone was seated including Cal the service begun. The vicar was talking about their Mum's life and what she was like. People were crying, he could hear them. Then he looked at Ethan who wasn't making a sound and wasn't moving but had silent tears running down his face.

The service ended and everyone made their way outside to watch the burial. Ethan stood at the side as he watched his mother be lowered into the ground and dirt thrown over the coffin covering her name.

Looking around for his older brother Cal spotted him chatting to Jenny who he hadn't even notice had came. He knew from the look on Cal's face he was flirting. Of all the times and all the places and with all the people.

Ethan stormed over to them and Jenny smiled at him seeing him. "Ethan, how are you?" She asked softly.

He didn't answer her and instead squared upto Cal. "Seriously!? It is our Mums funeral and you're trying to pull!?" He shouted angrily.

"I wasn't pulling…" Cal shook his head.

"Ethan we were just talking about your Mum." Jenny told him putting her hand on his arm.

He shook his head and pulled his arm away pointing at Cal. "You! You're just unbelievable!" He continued.

"Woah hold on a minute. I was talking about Mum, telling Jenny here how great she was before she got ill and how I will miss her." He laughed awkwardly.

"Miss her!? Miss her!? You never even visited her until the day she died Caleb!? You are not her son and you never will be!" Ethan shouted before punching him square in the face.

He didn't have a chance to hit him a second time as the arms of one of his uncles pulled him away. "Come on lad, not today." He spoke.

Ethan pulled out of his grasp before storming off. Cal held him nose watching him leave hurt more by what his brother had actually just said to him more than the punch.

"I best go after him…" Jenny sighed not really knowing who to comfort but noticing no one had followed Ethan. Receiving a nod from Cal she smiled and touched his arm before following Ethan.

**Ok so I only got one suggestion after the last chapter and not in too much depth which is fine it gives me room to play. Now I will write the next chapter after I have had a few suggestions from people. Let me know what you think too. Love J x**


	3. Sorry guys

**Ok guys, so I've decided since there has been so little interest in this that I'm not going to continue. I've been feeling quite down lately in myself and distracting myself by doing things like this but not that interest is starting to diminish i think it's time to stop.**

**Thanks to those who have supported me while writing and I look forward to reading other people's Cal and Ethan stories :)**

**Bye **

**J x**


	4. Chapter 3

Ethan was now sat on a bed in the grave yard, he watched people slowly begin to leave before he examined his quickly bruising knuckles and sighing. He knew he was out of order and shouldn't have kicked off. He then looked down at the floor spotting Jenny walking over.

Jenny sat down beside Ethan on the bench looking at him before quietly putting her hand on his leg rubbing it with her thumb.

"No one blames you for being upset…" Jenny spoke. "Me and Cal were just talking though. Nothing was going on, I wouldn't be that disrespectful."

Ethan nodded. "I know, I know. I just saw red…"

"You are grieving, but so is Caleb. You should talk to him." She spoke softly. "He isn't as stone hearted as he makes out to be."

"No, but he is a different kettle of fish." Ethan spoke.

"With a sore and bleeding nose." Jenny added. "You upset him too, saying he was never a son to her. You could see it in his face."

"I didn't mean it." Ethan shook his head.

"Maybe you should tell him that." She suggested and Ethan just nodded.

Jenny then got to her feet and held her hand out for Ethan to take. He did so and stood up before going with her to find Cal who was being fussed over by one of their aunts.

"I'm fine, just go to the wake." Cal spoke as he held a tissue to his nose and moved away from her.

His aunt nodded and turned to walk away but not before shaking her head at Ethan.

Ethan sighed ashamed that he could be so insensitive to everyone else who was there, he could have at least waited until they were somewhere private.

"Cal…" He spoke.

"Don't." Cal glared at him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said." He told him.

"Just stay out of me way." Cal spoke and walked right past him and Jenny and followed the rest of his family to their Mother's wake which was at the pub across the road.

"Go after him…" Jenny gave Ethan a small push.

"No… No I'm just going to go home." He shook his head sighing. "I don't want to be around anyone right now."

"Ethan, your mum would want you there. She wouldn't want arguing today." Jenny looked at him. "Please? For her?"

"Ok fine… one drink, to her. Then I am going home." He agreed to which Jenny nodded and they walked across the road together.

They both entered the pub, Ethan received some discussed looks from various members of his family. He sighed and kept his head down going to the bar and getting himself a drink. After paying he took the glass and turned to find a seat, the only available one at a table beside Cal. He looked at his brother who was clearly upset and just didn't want to be there.

Ethan walked over and looked at Cal. "Can I sit down?" He asked to which Caleb nodded. Ethan sat down and sighed. "I am sorry Caleb…"

"I know you were upset. But you were right really, I should have been a better son." Cal spoke staring into his drink.

"You were out living your life and having fun, Mum loved that. Often said to me she wished I would leave her in the hospice and go on an adventure. I just couldn't." Ethan explained.

Cal shrugged. "I don't know. I wish I had seen more of her. Last time I saw her she was fine, her normal self. The next, she died."

"Better than watching her get worse every day, seeing your own mother crying because she is in so much pain." Ethan sighed.

Cal nodded looking at Ethan. "Thank you."

"What for?" He looked at him confused.

"For looking after her." Cal told him and Ethan nodded. "And I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you."

"She was proud of you, always has been. She knows you loved her and she'd want you to know that she loved you too." Ethan explained.

Cal smiled. "So I am a son to her then?"

"Of course you are, we both are." He smiled.

**Ok so I got a review today so I decided to do another paragraph and see where it goes. If people give requests great (was the general idea) but if they don't I may just use what comes to my head. J x**


	5. Chapter 4

The wake past slowly, Cal and Ethan had spent the evening sat side by side not really saying much but both feeling the comfort of the other being so close by.

"You boys want a lift back to your flat?" A tall man spoke standing at the edge of the table.

Ethan smiled up at him. "Yes please Uncle Rodger."

"Come on then…" He smiled gently at the younger siblings as they both got up and followed him out to his car. "Shame for father couldn't make it."

Cal just looked at him. "Is it really?" He mumbled and got into the back of the car.

"You know he loved your mother Caleb, no need to be so harsh." He told him. "This is my brother you're talking about." He added.

"He's nothing like you." Cal shook his head and put his belt on as Ethan did too feeling slightly awkward by the conversation.

Rodger tutted and climbed into the driver's side of the car and drove them back to Ethan's flat. "If you need anything call me."

"Thank you." Ethan spoke politely and gave Cal a nudge as he had fallen asleep. "Come on Cal, we're home." He told him.

They both got out of the car and heading inside, Cal went to the living room and sat down on the sofa just staring ahead. Seeing his brother seem so distant Ethan sighed. He could help but notice that his nose was slightly swollen now and his eyes were also starting to bruise. He went into the kitchen getting out a cool pack that he kept in the freezer and wrapped it in a towel before bringing it out to Cal.

"Hey, put this on your nose. It will take the swelling down." Ethan said sitting beside him holding it in front of his brother. Cal took it gratefully pressing it gently on his face.

Ethan frowned as Cal continued to just stare at nothing looking totally lost in his own little world. Little did he know Cal just had the phrase "You are not her son and you never will be" going around in his head. He couldn't help but think that Ethan had a point. A good son wouldn't go and live away while their mother way dying. To add to that, neither would a good brother.

"Caleb? Why don't you go to bed, you're exhausted." Ethan broke his train of thought.

Cal shook his head biting his lips together before taking a shaky breath causing Ethan to move so he could see his brother's face. His eyes were brimming with unshed tears as he was clearly trying desperately not to cry. Ethan know it wasn't his thing to show he was upset, they had both been brought up that way. Upset turning into anger so that they didn't seem weak, earlier had been a perfect example. Cal just didn't seem to have the energy or capacity in which to get angry, he just looked like he was about to break.

"Cal it's ok." Ethan told him and took the cool pack out of his hands before his brother dropped it.

"I'm so sorry." Cal spoke before the tears that had been held in his eyes for so long began to flow down his face. The normally strong man crying for him mother. He sobbed gently putting his head in his hands.

Feeling a little uncomfortable in this unfamiliar situation Ethan put one arm around his old brother in an attempt to comfort him. "You've nothing to be sorry for." He spoke gently and rubbed Cal's back.

After a few minutes Cal managed to pull himself together but was completely worn out, his eyes were blood shot and sore and his cheeks were red from trying to wipe away the tears. His dignity he felt was all but destroyed but Ethan was smiling at him, not mockingly but caringly.

"I think we need to get some rest." He suggested to which Ca agreed and got to his feet heading upstairs.

"Night Caleb." Ethan called from his bedroom door.

"Good night nibbles." Cal retorted winking from his door.

Both men went to bed, Cal fell asleep straight away whereas Ethan couldn't help but think how much closer he felt to Cal after today. He hated him sometimes but he was his big brother and even if he was the irresponsible one Ethan knew he would always look out for him, they'd look out for each other. Content, Ethan rolled over and smiled at the photo of his Mum before closing his eyes.

**Now, this would be a good ending but I don't want to end it there. I am going to continue, again roll in the suggestions. I have had two so far which are good and I can kind of put them together eventually but I need a big story. Something dramatic to bring out a different side to them both. Any ideas? J x**


	6. Behind the scenes

I have written another chapter for this but quite reluctant to post after receiving this message:

Make up your mind! First you say you are done writing and aren't going to finish, then you write another chapter? And your reason is you didn't get enough attention for this story? Maybe not everyone likes your work, ever thought of that? Or are you that self obsessed and think you're this genius writer that everybody loves and so one story suddenly doesn't get many readers and that's it you're not happy and go all dramatic and stop writing? How pathetic. I hate this story to be perfectly honest, you've portrayed Ethan in a way that he'd never be seen as, hitting Cal and disrupting his mother's funeral? Do you actually watch casualty because if you did you'd know that this is completely out of character for Ethan and so so wrong of you to portray him like this.

The next thing I want to say is how dare of you to threaten to report waterlooroadfan99 for their story save me! That is a great story, much better than this rubbish, and is in no way portraying the theme of the self harm and eating disorders in the wrong way. If you read their note you'd see that they have been through what they are writing about, and have a personal experience that they are incorporating into their work.  
>You accuse of them of not having done the right research into those topics when they didn't need to due to their own experiences and go all high and mighty and act like this judge of their work. Who are you to say their work isn't right and is 'totally wrong' and then to say you're sorry and don't want to cause trouble, when you are and when nobody else has a problem with their story, and then you have the audacity to call them sweetheart!<br>You also said you weren't going to read anymore of the story, then you go and read chapter three and leave another disgusting review about how Saint Jinxy13112 doesn't think their story is appropriate and how Saint Jinxy13112 has to do something about it. You're just jealous that waterlooroadfan99 can write better than you can and they have more people who like their work than you. Honestly, get over yourself and leave them alone. Maybe if you spent more time trying to write better then reading other people's fantastic work and becoming jealous, then your stories wouldn't suck so much and be as bad as they are.  
>Seriously, telling waterlooroadfan99 that the story maybe shouldn't be on here at all is a nice try to get them to take it down, maybe a way to get readers to view your work instead? but if people have enough sense they'll support waterlooroadfan99 and try and help them save their story from the likes of you.<br>Smish123 had the decency to apologise and take back their last review for waterlooroadfan99's story save me when they read the a/n at the beginning of chapter three. Obviously they are a nice person and know how to be humble and admit their wrongdoings. You could learn something from them.  
>I am really disgusted with you and will be waiting to see an apology be made to waterlooroadfan99 via their story save me, so everyone can see you admit you were wrong and apologise for being such a horrible and jealous person.<p>

Now for a start whoever sent this was so big and strong that they did it under guest so I don't know who they are. Now for one, I voiced an opinion on a fic that i didn't 100% believe was appropriate, it is a free country and suggested maybe rating it M. As someone who has had a lot of experience, personally and with people I know, I know that the way that the subject is highlighted in said story could cause problems for people who may read, especially the younger ones. It was my opinion agree disagree whatever you will we are own entitled to our own views. Yes I could have worded things better but still my point still stands. As for suggesting research for this kind of thing, experience of mental health issues and self harming will obviously give you a better idea of what to write but at the same time there are a lot more types of self harm, everyone is different and highlighting one aspect can be very offending to some people.

Now for the case of this fic. I stopped as the original idea of asking people to give suggestions wasn't working out which was annoying and quite frustrating since I had so many different suggestions for whole fics but when it came to this I was practically ignored but yet got plenty followers and favorites. So I stopped, it wasn't working and I have a lot to do. Im at uni and working at the same time, thats a lot of work. I wasn't going to waste time. I then got a message asking me to continue so I did, why not? I had a spare hour or so so I did it. Then I got this response. I want to make this next point very clear, I WRITE FOR FUN, NOT ATTENTION! I do not enjoy being center of attention, of course I like reviews, who doesn't? But I like them to tell me people are enjoying and what I can do to improve, not to boost my ego.

I am out this evening but I plan to upload the next chapter either tonight or tomorrow, it won't be great but I am just trying to continue. If you've read this far thank you. I just wanted to let you guys know what is going on behind the scenes.


	7. Chapter 5

A few weeks past and the bothers had been getting on great, well, as well as they could. A few issues with washing dishes and cleaning around the flat had come up but other than that, everything had been fine.

"Ethan, letter for you." Cal smiled as he came into the kitchen where Ethan was eating his breakfast.

"Oh so you do know how to pick things up off the floor, maybe in future you can do the same to your dirty clothes when you've been in the shower." He spoke sarcastically as he opened the letter earning him a smug smirk from Cal.

"Yeah yeah." Cal spoke and laughed slightly as he made himself breakfast.

"Hmm…" Ethan responded concentrating now reading the letter in his hand. He frowned as he read through it further forcing himself to read over several lines more than once to take it all in.

"What's that then?" Cal asked curiously knowing it wasn't an ordinary letter as it was hand written.

Ethan ripped it up before crumpling it up and throwing it in the bin. "You coming to work?" He asked completely avoiding the question.

Cal looked at his freshly made breakfast before sighing and getting up following him anyway.

**Short and sweet. Bit of a filler. More soon. J x**


	8. Chapter 6

At work Ethan had been exceptionally quiet and had gone missing a few times during the shift which was very unlike him. Charlie being the observant one had seemed to be the only one that noticed. Seeing Cal stood at the nurse's station reading something on the computer Charlie decided to take the opportunity to have a chat with the young doctor.

"Cal." He spoke as he subtly stood at his side glancing at the computer screen.

"That's me." Cal smiled and turned to look at Charlie smiling. "What can I do you for?" He asked assuming he just wanted him to look over some notes.

"It's about your brother. Is something going on with him?" Charlie asked quietly.

"No, everything has been fine lately. Very fine actually which is a first." Cal smiled obviously oblivious to his brother's odd behaviour.

"It's just he has been very quiet and keeps disappearing during shift, that's very unlike him." He pointed out.

Cal frowned and looked around hoping to spot his brother and dismiss Charlie's concerns but he was nowhere to be seen. "I don't know where he is…"

"Well no, I didn't expect you to. I just thought I should point it out so you could maybe have a word with him." Charlie suggested. "Has he dealt with your Mother's death properly?"

"Charlie that was weeks ago…" Cal shook his head.

"Sometimes grief can just sneak back up on you though." He told him.

"No." He shook his head. "He definitely got everything out of his system at the funeral believe me."

Charlie nodded. "Well I'd tell him to watch out because if Connie notices he will be in hot water." He spoke before walking away.

Cal sighed and checked his phone, if Ethan had to nip out for anything chances are he would have left a message for Cal to cover for him, but nothing.

He quickly finished off with his patient and discharged them before going on his break and hunting down his young sibling. He'd just put his huddy on and got out of the front doors when Ethan stormed past him clearly angry.

"Woah wait up." Cal spoke grabbing Ethan's arm stopping him in his tracks and bringing him outside way from the door. "What's got your knickers in a twist."

"Nothing." Ethan spoke harshly.

"Clearly it's not nothing…" Cal commented noticing Ethan's hands were curled into fists and had spots of blood on his cut knuckles. "What you done?" He asked nodding towards his hands.

"Like I said, nothing." He then stared at Cal.

"Ethan, you vanished during a shift and have come in a rage with bleeding hands." Cal raised an eyebrow. "Now if I didn't know you better I'd say you'd hit someone."

"What do you know ey!?" Ethan snapped. "You know nothing ok! Nothing!"

Cal stood shocked and stared at Ethan before the younger man stormed away and back into the ED leaving Cal feeling very confused and quite concerned.

He then went to try and find out what had happened, he checked around the peace garden and found nothing, it wasn't till he reached the bins that he saw someone sat on the ground leaning against the wall. Blood on his face and a bottle in his hand.

Assuming it was just another drunk who had gotten lost on route to the ED Cal went over to him. "Alright come on, let's get you inside." He spoke and crouched down in front of the man.

It wasn't until the figure looked up at him that he realised who it was. He stood up and took a step back, now he knew exactly who Ethan had punched and exactly why he had punched him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He spoke quietly.

**Ok so here is another chapter, again not very long but I am trying to give updates regularly and I struggle to make them long so just have patience with me. Someone has guessed who it is, well done them and thanks for all your reviews/favourites and so on.**

**To the girl who sent the review. I'm no longer going to dwell on the situation and if you do not like my writing don't read it. I did what I did because the rating of that story was inappropriate. This story is not. If you think I am not capturing the characters fair enough, but in all honesty I can't see a self harm story with these two being realistic either. Don't like my writing, don't read it. Simple.**

**Love you all. J x**


	9. Chapter 7

**Sorry for the slow updates guys, I've just started a new job in a care home and wow is it busy. Hard work too! Rewarding though. Well done to those who guessed right ****J****.**

The man looked up at Cal and with the bottle in hand wiped the blood dripping from his nose. "Hello Caleb." He spoke.

Cal shook his head. "What the hell are you doing here and what the hell went on with Ethan. You were warned to stay away from us, all of us."

"My wife died and I wasn't informed, I found out when I went to visit your granny at the grave yard, she's buried right beside her." He spoke from the floor, his voice husky.

"She wanted to be beside her Mum and there was a reason you weren't informed. I mean, how easy is it to get in touch with an alcoholic tramp ey?" Cal spoke angrily. "Now get out of here."

"This is a hospital son, I am injured. You are a doctor, you should take me inside." He smirked.

"Never ever call me son! I don't have a father!" He hissed and grabbed his arm pulling him to his feet before snatching the bottle away and throwing it to the side as it smashed on the floor. "I will take you inside, one of the nurses will clean you up then you will leave and never come back. Hear me!?"

He just nodded and stumbled as Cal took him in. Passing Robyn Cal beckoned her over. "George Hardy, needs a clean up and sent on his way as soon as possible."

"Hardy?" She frowned looking at the man as they got to a cubicle and George sat down.

Cal looked at her. "Just get rid as quickly as you can yeah?"

Robyn nodded and got on with treating him avoiding conversation with him as much as she could sensing that it probably was for the best.

Cal went to the staffroom where Ethan was sat on the sofa staring ahead.

"I found him. Didn't know you had it in you." Cal smiled a little as he sat beside his brother.

"What else was I going to do?" Ethan spoke flatly.

"Did he say anything?" Cal asked.

"Said that I should have told him she died, I should have told him she was ill. He would have came to see her." He explained before looking at Cal. "Said it served her right to die. Best place for her was 5 feet under. So I hit him. I couldn't listen to him anymore."

"He's in the ED. Robyn is treating him. I suggest you stay in CDU." Cal warned him.

"Why the hell is he here!?" Ethan frowned.

"I couldn't exactly leave him on the ground bleeding could I? I have a duty of care, even to him." He sighed.

"You have a duty of care to him? Yet you couldn't come and see Mum when she was ill!? You're the one that changed your name Caleb because you hated him so much and now you help him!" Ethan shouted angrily and stood up.

"That's a bit uncalled for. I am on duty, I'd get struck off if anyone found out I left him in a state." Cal shook his head not believing Ethan didn't understand.

"You know what!? You are no brother of mine! You let everyone down! Just when I thought you had started to grow up!" Ethan lost his temper.

"Woah… what's going on?" Rita spoke as she entered the staffroom hearing the shouting. Rita could see that Ethan was visibly shaking with anger and already had rapidly bruising knuckles.

"Ask him! Back stabbing low life he is!" Ethan pointed at Cal.

Cal got to his feet shaking his head. "No, now that is just too far Ethan. All I did was my job. You're lucky no one knows what you did, I am covering you back."

"Covering my back!?" Ethan half laughed. "You've never covered my back in my entire life!"

"That's not true." Cal told him.

Ethan gritted his teeth as he swung for Cal who moved out of the way just in time grabbing his brother's arm.

"Ok, ok time out!" Rita spoke separating them and pushing Ethan gently towards the sofa. "Sit down Ethan and Cal I think you should give him some time to cool off yeah?"

Cal nodded. "Yeah, plenty of time. You are becoming like him, nothing but violent." He spoke before leaving.

Ethan was breathing quick trying to calm down. He knew this wasn't right and he had to get his anger under control. This wasn't him at all and he was starting to scare himself, he didn't know what he was capable of. He close his eyes and clenched his fists tightly causing the cuts on his knuckles to sting.

The stinging suddenly increased as he felt something damp touch the back of his hand. He jumped slightly and opened his eyes to see Rita cleaning up the small cuts.

"Don't want these getting infected do we?" She smiled at him calmly.

"Thank you." He nodded.

"So, what's all this about then? I know you two argue but not like that. And Ethan Hardy doesn't do lashing out." She noted.

"My Dad turned up. Had a go because I didn't tell him about Mum. He's just a drunk that enjoys battering people." Ethan sighed.

"Did he used to hit your Mum?" She asked gently.

Ethan nodded looking at her. "Yeah…"

"Did he ever hit you?" She asked again and stopped cleaning his hands and looked him in the eyes.

Ethan paused before he looked to the floor and nodded. "Mostly Caleb though. He used to stick up for me."

"Not what you've just said to him is it? Never covering your back? By the sounds of it I think he did." Rita looking at him knowingly and rubbed his arm to comfort him.

"I didn't mean it. It hurts him when I say things like that and when I'm angry all I want to do is hurt him so I say it." Ethan shook his head. "It's so wrong."

"Everyone says things they don't mean. Just apologize." She smiled gently.

Ethan shook his head. "I should stay away from him. I punched him at the funeral, disappointed my whole family. I punched my Dad, and a wall and then went for Cal again just now. I am turning into Dad. Cal is right."

"You don't have to be like that. You're probably still grieving and Cal is too. Your Dad has shown up out of the blue it's bound to knock you." She comforted him. "why don't you take a break, have a coffee then come back out and do what you do best. Your Dad will be out of the way by then and Cal will be calm too."

Ethan nodded agreeing with her. "Yes, I'll do that. It's unprofessional to let this get in the way of my work."

Rita laughed a little. "Good old Ethan. If you need to talk to someone, ever. I am right here."

Ethan smiled gently back to her. "Thank you."


	10. Chapter 8

The rest of the day had gone reasonably smoothly, on the surface at least. Ethan worked in CDU for the rest of his shift keeping himself busy and Cal occupied himself in resus. Keeping their distance from each other seemed to be the best course of action for now and would ensure there were no more fights. Not at work anyway.

By the end of shift Ethan was exhausted and just felt drained. He wanted nothing more than to just go home and curl up into bed.

Cal on the other hand was still running on adrenaline and had come into the staffroom with Max discussing going to the pub.

"Ethan, he'll come with us won't you?" Cal laughed going to his little brother ruffling his hair as if nothing had happened earlier in the day.

Ethan frowned and flattened down his hair with his hand. "If it involves a loud room full of drunks then I'll pass."

"Well the pub yes but it will be a laugh." Cal smirked.

Ethan just shook his head as Rita came in.

"Rita. Pub?" Cal asked gesturing towards her.

"Of course." She stated as a matter of fact.

"See if you can persuade my geeky brother here to come." Cal told her and he began to change his top in front of his locker.

"I just don't feel like it. Alcohol doesn't seem like a good idea right now…" Ethan sighed and turned to look at Rita.

"Come for one, then go home. Keep him happy. It will do you both good to spend some time together that doesn't involve stress." She suggested.

Sighing Ethan gave in nodding. "Ok fine. Just the one."

At the pub and Rita had bought the first round and they had picked a table in one of the alcoves that just about fit everyone in: Max, Robyn, Lofty, Cal, Rita and Ethan who was clearly uncomfortable.

"You been fighting?" Lofty asked Ethan spotting the state his knuckles were in as he picked hi glass up.

"Let's not go there ey?" Rita smiled answering before Ethan had to make up an excuse.

Lofty just nodded and joined a conversation going on between Max and Robyn.

Cal looked at Ethan who was clearly trying to avoid eye contact sitting awkwardly at the end of the row beside Rita. He took a deep breath before he picked up his drink knocking it back in one.

"Bloody hell Nibble full of surprises lately aren't you?" Cal laughed surprised as he had never seen Ethan drink that quickly.

"I guess I am." He spoke standing up and putting his hand in his pocket.

"You can't leave yet." Rita piped up. "I know I said one drink but I didn't think you'd drink that fast."

Ethan shook his head. "Anyone else want another?" he asked and everyone shook their heads showing their glasses to show that they still had plenty left.

Ethan shrugged and went to the bar himself he ordered a drink and decided to sit at the bar with it enjoying the space away from his colleagues.

He'd spend about 10 minutes and in that time had had a few shots and was now nursing a double vodka and coke.

Robyn had come to the bar to get in their next round and after looking at Ethan she stood a bit closer to him. "You going to come back and join us?" She asked him in her normal friendly tone.

"Yeah…" He nodded and looked back over his shoulder at his friends and Cal who was just finishing off his pint looking over at them noticing Ethan he smiled in his direction.

Robyn was given a tray with various drinks on it and took it back to the table Ethan slowly following behind. He could feel his legs were a little wobbly clearly not used to the alcohol.

He was concentrating so much on not falling over he failed to notice the man who staggered into him causing him to spill his drink down his front.

"I'm sorry..." The man mumbled turning to face Ethan.

Ethan turned to dismiss him knowing that accidents happen when people get drunk and a spilled drink was little to nothing compared to what could go wrong. It wasn't until he was face to face with the man until he noticed who it was.

"Twice in one day son. Something is causing us to keep meeting like this." He spoke drunkenly.

"I told you to stay away…" Ethan muttered quietly.

"Mr Hardy. I'm Robyn, the nurse that treated you earlier." Robyn came over after stopping Cal from getting involved. "I thought I told you to stay away from alcohol while you're on those pain killers."

"I don't care what you said. I can do whatever I want." He hissed at her which made Robyn step back.

"Do what you want and stuff the consequences. That's always been your motto." Ethan spoke.

"So? I am your father show me some respect!" He demanded.

"Respect!? Respect is earned and you are not my father!" Ethan shouted back.

"Ok. That's enough!" Rita stepped in and pulled Ethan away back to the table to sit down as Cal got up.

"I think you better leave. Now." He spoke calmly.

"You don't tell me what to do…" George spat getting in Cal's face.

Cal stepped back and put his arm out to stop him getting close again. "Leave now or I call the police." He remained calm.

George looked at him and then to Ethan before spitting on the floor and leaving.

Cal sighed deeply before sitting back down. "You ok?" He asked looking at Ethan.

"I'm fine. Need another drink." He said and got back to his feet going to the bar for yet another drink.

"He is certainly putting it away tonight…" Max commented.

"Maybe bringing him here wasn't such a great idea. He isn't in the right frame of mind." Lofty added sensibly.

"He's alright. It's a chance for him to let his hair down." Cal smiled a little.

"So he is you dad then?" Robyn asked having been pondering for a while now.

"If you can call him that yes." He nodded to her.

"So you're not Hardy, you're Knight because you didn't want his name?" She asked. "But Ethan kept it?"

"Yeah. Ethan hated him just as much but wanted to keep the same name as Mum. I just ran away from it all I guess." He explained as he watched Ethan pay for his drink and head back.

Robyn nodded now understanding but not wanting to push further. She looked at Max and smiled. "I thought our family was complicated."

Max nodded and laughed a little.

Rita, who had been quite quiet was just watching Ethan and he sat at the table drink in hand. She could tell by the way he was getting about that he was tipsy and obviously had no intention of stopping just yet.

"So what's everyone doing for Christmas then?" Lofty piped up.

"Working all day." Rita smiled.

"Same here." Ethan spoke joining in.

"And here." Cal laughed slightly.

"Boring. We're having our own little Christmas dinner." Robyn grinned excitedly. "Just us three, although mine and Max's aunt will probably call in at tea time as she does."

After that the conversation flowed well and everyone was enjoying themselves. Ethan seemed to be drinking twice as fast as the others as he was getting up between rounds to go to the bar but all in all it was a decent night.

"Right, we should be going. Work tomorrow." Robyn giggled as she got to her feet dragging Lofty and Max with her.

They called bye as they stumbled from the pub and into a taxi.

"We should probably get him back…" Rita suggested looking to Ethan who was mumbling in his sleep after he had dozed off in the seat beside her.

Cal nodded and got up taking the half empty glass from his brother's hands and putting it on the table so it wasn't split when they woke him. "Ethan…" He spoke and shook him gently causing his eyes to open and look at him.

"Caleb…" He whispered drunkenly.

"It's time for home come on." He smiled standing up straight helping him front his seat and Rita climbed out and helped too and they stood him up.

"Not. Quite. Finished." Ethan said as he grabbed the half full glass from the table and finished the rest in one.

Rita shook her head disapprovingly knowing that this wasn't normal behaviour for Ethan. "Right let's get you home to bed."

"You coming to my bed?" He winked. "Nice."

"No Ethan." Rita couldn't help but laugh and looked at Cal who was now in stitched laughing at his little brother's drunken comment.

They finally got him outside and leaning against a wall as Cal called a taxi.

"Rita…" Ethan whispered.

"Yes Ethan." She smiled rubbing his arm.

"I think…" He started. "I think, I'm going… to be sick." He laughed a little before his smiled dropped and he leant over throwing up managing to hit Rita's shoes.

"Lovely. Thank you." Rita rolled her eyes annoyed until she looked back to see that Ethan had tears rolling down his cheeks. "Hey it's ok. They're easily cleaned." She spoke rubbing the top of his arm.

"What's up?" Cal asked as he came off the phone.

"He's just feeling a bit sick." Rita told him.

"I'm not surprised. He's drank us under the table." Cal laughed but soon stopped as Ethan just began to sob uncontrollably.

"Ethan? What's wrong?" Rita asked growing concerned for the younger doctor.

"I want my Mum." He spoke through his crys.

Rita sighed surprised at how young he actually sounded just then and pulled him to her chest looking at Cal who didn't really know what to do and settled for just placing a comforting hand on Ethan's back to let him know he was there.

**Well I got bored and was just in one of those moods where I wanted some angst and started typing with no idea where I was going and this happened. I know it's out of character but I sometimes like it like that. Hope you enjoyed it and feedback welcomed as always ****J****x**


	11. Chapter 9

They got Ethan back to their flat relatively easily and got him laid on the sofa with the fleece throw over the top of him and a bucket by his side.

Rita sighed. "Right. Will you be ok with him? I need to be getting home."

"I should be fine yeah…" Cal nodded looking at Ethan's sleeping form. He couldn't get over how much a different person Ethan had become not even an hour earlier.

"He's still grieving Cal. It does strange things to people." Rita told him knowing he was feeling slightly lost.

"I honestly thought he was fine now. He misses her obviously but I thought he'd dealt with it." Cal sighed.

Rita put her hand on his arm making him look at her. "Chances are it's going to take a while, no one knows but what we do know is that he needs you. You're the only one that can possibly have any understanding about how he is feeling and the only family he has left. Remind him he isn't on his own in this."

"Thanks Rita." He nodded slowly and smiled as she left before he locked the door behind her for the night and decided to try and get comfortable in the arm chair so he could keep an eye on Ethan.

Getting comfortable hadn't really been a problem. Cal had sat down and adjusted his position a few times but within 15 minutes was asleep. The alcohol probably played a big part in that. He slept soundly for a few hours before being woken by movement.

He opened his eyes to find Ethan had sat himself up and was now sat properly on the sofa with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands groaning quietly.

"Feeling rough?" Cal asked rhetorically as he checked the time. "It's only 2:30am. You're probably still drunk. This isn't even the hangover."

Ethan took a shaky breath choosing not to answer Cal's unhelpful comment. He remained quite still until he could feel that the battle he was having with his stomach was about to be lost and reached for the bucket bringing it in front of him before he started to retch.

"I'll get you some water." Cal spoke and got to his feet quickly going through to the kitchen and filling a glass with water before returning back to his brother and this time sat by his side.

Ethan continued to throw up making Cal wince as it sounded painful. He put his hand on Ethan's back and rubbed it gently to try and get him to relax.

"It's alright Ethan. Try and take a deep breath…" He told him gently, a tone which he rarely used especially with Ethan.

Doing as he told and concentrating on his breathing Ethan put the bucket to one side as he rubbed the sweat from his head with his tshirt and accepted the glass of water from Cal sipping it gently.

"I will never be drinking so much again…" Ethan muttered.

"No, you were certainly putting it away. Quicker than me." Cal smiled a little. "Do you remember much?"

"Unfortunately I remember most of it. Last I remember, I'd thrown up outside the pub." He told him. "Then that's it."

"You were more or less unconscious from that point on." Cal told him before he passed looking at him and trying to find the right words. "You should have said something."

"What do you mean?" Ethan asked sipping more water.

"Last night. You miss Mum, you've not got over it yet." He spoke feeling a little awkward. "You know you can talk to me about it. She was my mum too and I know how you're feeling."

Ethan laughed slightly. "Rita put you up to this?" He looked at Cal who did make a move to respond. "Look Cal. You don't have to do this, I will deal with it."

"No Ethan, I'm your brother. I want to help you, not because Rita said so but because I actually want to. You're my baby brother and I'm meant to watch out for you." He told him. "It's not healthy to go through this on your own."

Ethan now sighed. "I just miss her. I still have her things up stairs in the spare room and I don't have the heart to move them. She wanted everything put in a charity shop but I can't. That room is just full of her life, old photos, letters, certificates, diary's you name it. A whole life just in boxes in a room…"

"You don't have to sort all that yourself though. We can do it together. Have a look at the old photos maybe get a few of them put into frames and things." Cal suggested.

"Look at you all grown up and sensible." Ethan laughed slightly looking at him again. "She'd be proud…"

**There we are, I was asked to include some caring Cal so I did a little. If anyone has any suggestions let me know :) **


	12. Chapter 10

"Right. Where do we start?" Ethan asked placing his hands on his hips looking at the boxes and bags that filled his spare room.

"I'm not sure. Um… clothes, they'll all be going to the charity shop anyways so if we get them out of the way first it will give us more room for the other things." Cal suggested.

Ethan nodded and pulled out the bags full of old clothes. "Right, let's get to it then." He smiled.

The boys worked in silence sorting through the bags of clothes into piles for the charity shop and a pile of old things that needed to go in the bin. Once done Cal placed the charity shop pile into a box and the rest into a bin bag.

"That felt weird…" Cal muttered as he tied the top of the bin bag.

"They still smell like her." Ethan smiled gently as he picked up a heavy looking box. "This is full of old photo albums and documents…"

"Why don't we go down stairs to sort that." Cal spoke feeling awkward.

"Um yeah sure." Ethan spoke and handed a box to him before picking up another. "Go on then." He spoke to his brother who was just stood in the door way.

Cal snapped out of it and headed down stairs and sat on the sofa placing the box on the table.

Ethan sat down beside him and opened the box beginning to pull things out and Cal did the same only slower.

Laughing Ethan handed a photo of a stark naked baby Cal in the bath. "Why is it always the naked ones ey?" he smiled as Cal took the photo and couldn't help but laugh as he turned it over and in his mother's handwriting read.

_"__Little Caleb's first bath. The whole bathroom got a wash that day!"_

He placed the photo down to one side and began to rifle through the box again. He stopped when he found a picture that had been folder in half. It was rather large and on good quality paper. He opened it up to see his Mum and Dad's wedding photo. He knew his Mum must have took it out the frame and folded it into a drawer years ago as he hadn't seen it for so long.

"Worst mistake of her life." Ethan spoke looking at what Cal was holding.

Cal nodded and proceeded to rip it up. "That felt good." He laughed a little and through the little pieces into the bin.

Ethan than pulled out a few letters, addressed to his Mum with private and confidential written on the front. He had a feeling he knew what they were and opened them up and began reading. It was her initial diagnosis letter and although it was dated as 10 years ago Ethan could remember the day she had told the boys what was going on.

"We should get rid of that." Cal spoke. "We need to remember the good and healthy side of Mum. Forget about how ill she was."

Ethan shook his head. "I want to keep it."

"Why on earth would you want to be reminded of that?" Cal frowned.

"It is what ruled my life for the past 10 years Caleb. You weren't always here, Dad had gone so I was her main carer for so long and we bonded in that time." He spoke and folded the letter away putting it in his pocket.

Cal couldn't understand why he wanted to remember all of that but didn't mention it again and just accepted it and carried on through the box.

It took almost all day to get through all of their Mum's things. The bags of things for the charity shop was huge and Cal knew it would take at least two trips in the car to take it all. There was a pile of keepsakes too, which Cal had agreed Ethan could keep, all but one photo of the three of them on Christmas day when Cal was about 10 and Ethan about 5. All with huge grins and having the time of their lives. That was what Cal wanted to remember.

**Hey guys, sorry for the delay in updating i've been very short of ideas and motivation. Please someone suggest something they'd like to read! The fics relating to the boys on here are grat but they are starting to diminish! Don't let that happen! xxx**


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